The Importance of Visiting and Embracing Timelessness

A lovely and memorable young girl from Ibumba

In places where life is considered to be simple and the pace slower, often time is referenced more loosely and people naturally surrender to a structure not measured by a ticking clock-timelessness.

Visiting is a term representative of timelessness and holds a great deal of meaning in my life. Unofficially, it's defined as the quality of time spent interacting with others without the sense of feeling rushed. When you give your time to someone it's assumed that you'll remain for as long as is necessary and at no point is there a decisive endpoint.

Enjoying the company of little Miss Favor

In cultures where the pace of life is slower and the sense of community stronger, time spent with others in such way naturally becomes a characteristic of the culture. You simply cannot walk past a neighbor's house without saying hello or pass a friend on the street without exchanging a few words. And when you're invited to someone's home for tea or arrange to meet a friend in town, time is not strictly adhered to. One thing may lead to another and you'll have been visiting for longer than what was initially anticipated. This is perfectly acceptable and assumed to be the norm.

Cultures that allow time to fall away in exchange for time well spent are where I feel the happiest and most at home. American culture doesn't really allow for it; you have to make a concerted effort to structure your life in such a way. People move too fast and strive to accomplish too much in very little time. I have never been overly impressed by this and even feel productivity is higher and of better quality when a certain balance is struck.

Here in Uganda I am content because visiting has a strong place in the culture. Time is lost for all the right reasons-people matter.

Unexpected conversation with Boney & Rachel in Nyakiju

Robert, KIHEFO's Community Organizer, had invited Trina and myself one afternoon to meet with several families in his home village of Nyakiju, near the outskirts of Kabale-town. We were given the green light to ask any questions that peaked our interests. Robert was optimistic that we would be able to visit four to five homes, each with differing familial and economic circumstances.

We first met briefly with a widowed women raising five children on her own who expressed solemnly that she knew very well what was best for her children, but the unrelenting challenge was how to provide those things. Trina and I politely asked questions and she responded quietly, almost timidly, as her children curiously sat nearby and listened in.

The community members of Nyakiju are very fond of Robert, who is more commonly known as "Kakuru" to family and friends; and so walking along the village paths induces a flurry of greetings-shouts of hello, hands flailing outside windows to wave, and people coming over to chat briefly and exchange hugs or handshakes. It was very easy to feel at home while in Robert's company, especially amongst those who grew up with him and knew his family well.

We continued on to Boney's house and took our chairs outside, the breeze warm and comforting and the view, looking out upon fields crowding the rolling hills of Nyakiju, simply outstanding. Robert, in his usual charismatic way, introduced Trina and I and signaled for us to go ahead and ask questions. Conversation carried on in its usual way, typically one-sided, for some time, but Boney and Rachel-a neighbor and friend-were surprisingly curious and expressed an interest in learning about our cultures as well. This was a pleasant surprise, since no one up until this moment, had ventured to understand what our lives were like at home-mine in the US and Trina's growing up in Canada.

We talked of many things-marriage, family life, relationships, responsibilities of women and men, and the ability to travel. Each time we thought the conversation had come to a close, Boney and Rachel piped up with another question and Trina and I could see that Robert was running out of steam as translator-long answers in English were somehow translated into suspiciously short Rukiga responses. I hoped he didn't mind because I was so happy for both their curiosity and their courage to ask as openly as we had been allowed to. Trina and I frequently glanced over at one another and smiled. We were eager for more.

What was meant to be an hour-long visit had quickly turned into nearly three hours. There wasn't any time left to visit the other family's homes and more so, the rains were threatening. Regardless of the fact that we did not accomplish all we came here to do, the afternoon had taken shape on its own and become a phenomenal day with the very best of company.

Boney thanked us for our time, feelings and words which were obviously reciprocated, and sent us on our way with a bundle of fresh cabbages to be replanted. She made it a point to tell us that her home will always remain open and our welcome need never be questioned.